2002-05-05 - 9:49 a.m. never understand Recently, a friend brought up a long-dead topic of discussion: the idea (lifted from "When Harry Met Sally", of all places) that men and women can't be friends. Especially if they've slept together. This was a topic I hadn't explored since my high school boyfriend. In the case of the high school boyfriend, we didn't end up being friends for a good long while (and we still aren't, though it is a legitimate possibility now, unless I recycle him)...but our not being friends didn't have anything to due with gender or physical intimacy; it had to do with love. Once you decide you're not in love with someone who is in love with you, time and distance are necessary, and are non-conducive to friendship. I believe the whole debate about men and women being friends is BS. Typically, such discussions come up as a result of a jealous significant other who can't understand how the object of their affection (or obsession) can possibly be just friends with that person of the opposite gender, or who, worse yet, realizes they do not yet have a stable foundation of friendship in their relationship. Historically, I've always had a handful of guy friends to tear around town with, and do, well, guy things with. You know -- go see action films, go on a fried food binge, drive really far away to shop for comic books and records for hours, work on my bicycle...etc. I've always had girl friends too, but the dynamics are different. If I'm having a bad day, a girl friend will want to get into the deep-seated emotions behind it, frequently pushing me into emotionally unpleasant territory and ending in tears. My guy friends, on the other hand, typically don't want to get into the emotional details -- they want to find something fun and silly to do to cheer me up. Only a guy friend will breakdance in a public place to make me laugh, or will grab hold of me, squeeze me tight, and give my cheek loud, smacking kisses, while I giggle (yes, giggle) hysterically. It's nice to have the multiple approaches to dealing with the necessary ups and downs of life that having both close girl and guy friends provides. Of course, the problem is that in grown up life, it's difficult to meet boys without them assuming you want more from them than friendship. So, it seems you have to date them first and become friends with them later, which is backwards from how I'd prefer to do it. Why was this so much easier when I was younger? Have too many guys my age been burned in similar situations? What's the deal??? any comments? (0 so far) previous - next recently on almostgoldsf... in defense of an email box I came to do battle with SPAM - 2008-05-17 hello 2006 - 2005-12-31 Happy Thanksgiving - 2005-11-14 bon voyage - 2005-11-05 October already? - 2005-10-09