2002-02-13 - 5:58 a.m. inbetween days I've had writer's block ever since I read partygirl's entry this weekend on always being the rock of support for the people around her, never asking others for help, and then being let down the one time she *did* ask... Except for the being let down part, the way she described her situation, and how she was feeling, fits me to a tee also. How could it be possible that someone I've never met who lives on the other side of the country from me would appear to understand how I feel far better than my friends and family? Did I just hit on why diaryland can become so addictive? Like partygirl, I ran away from the US and my routine for the holidays. I went to London to make a fresh start, unburdened by my horrible year, without any traditions or memories to be upheld. I moved through the streets and the days of my vacation frequently alone, but typically happy. My renewed sense of well-being traveled back to the the states with me and has been nurtured by keeping busy. Busy volunteering, working, going out, doing things for my friends. I'm *not busy talking about how I feel. In fact, I'm shrugging off such questions because I'm still not comfortable with letting other people try to be supportive of me. For a little more than a year I've been dealing with the fallout of my last relationship. I didn't tell my childhood best friend what was going on because she was pregnant and I didn't want to upset her...likewise, my closest college friend was kept in the dark because I didn't want to ruin her wedding. I had a million and one excuses not to tell people how horrible I felt. The first person I actually told I was getting a divorce and let be there for me wasn't one of my friends at all. That person was the cute boy who helped get me through the horrible second half of last year. The cute boy I actually cried in front of that horrible week in September. The cute boy I have been avoiding for 4 or 5 weeks now, since I got back from London. As always, I'll get through this blip, and life will one day return to normal. I may even be so lucky as to fall in love. But first, I'll need to get better at being able to say "please come get me -- i need you." And that may take a long while. any comments? (0 so far) previous - next recently on almostgoldsf... in defense of an email box I came to do battle with SPAM - 2008-05-17 hello 2006 - 2005-12-31 Happy Thanksgiving - 2005-11-14 bon voyage - 2005-11-05 October already? - 2005-10-09